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Tiger Woods and Counterfeit Self-Parenting

August 11, 2011

Tiger Woods is back in the limelight, this time, after having fired Steve Williams, the man who had been his caddie, close friend and confidant for the past 12 years and 200+ golf tournaments.

The Tiger Woods/Steve Williams split reminds us of another Tiger Woods “divorce.” Less than two years ago, Woods was involved in a sex scandal that inevitably led to his much-publicized divorce from Elin Nordegren. His sex addiction was front page news and the object of a media circus.

But what is a sex addiction, really, or any addiction for that matter? Do we really understand what an addiction is?

Let’s get clear that we are talking about addictions in the broad sense of the word. We can be addicted to sex, drugs, gambling, or alcohol. But we can also be addicted to people, situations (fighting with my spouse), or a thing (money).

Where Do Addictions Come From? In a perfect world, we would all know how to soothe and nurture ourselves. We would know how to get the help we need to make sense of crazy situations. All parents would have taught these skill to their children who would now be their own “BFF”- best-friend-forever – or loving parent.

But our world is far from perfect – we are far from perfect – and some do not learn these essential self-parenting skills.

Most addictions arise out of a lack of effective self-parenting and reflect instead counterfeit self-parenting. Those who were not taught the right self-parenting skills can get in the habit of using counterfeit means to self-soothe, feel better, or feel safe. We get high, get drunk, gamble too much, watch porn, or shop too much. You name it. We try to avoid or control our fears, pain, conflict, and confusion inappropriately.

Now, it is only normal to be drawn to anything that brings us pleasure or relief. But our addictive efforts to stop hurting and to avoid or control our thoughts and feelings can interfere with our everyday life. We are courting an addiction when we use a person, thing, or process to avoid or control our pain and find relief instead of dealing with our issues.

Addictions Are Dangerous. The addict stands to lose a great deal whether it is physical or mental well-being, or the loss of loved ones. Not only can addictions put someone’s health or life at risk, they also affect everyone around the addict, even destroying entire families. The key word here is loss.

But There Is Always Hope The good news is that there can be some gains, even with severe addictions. Those who successfully fight and overcome an addiction gain a better understanding of themselves. They learn more effective ways to manage stress and pain–to be their own best friend and loving parent. In the end, they gain freedom. Freedom from the thing that was holding them back, keeping them from becoming a better self.

Addictions are a very serious problem and professional help should be sought. This is not something that can be fought alone. Dr. Beth Cujé’s book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, does not focus on addictions. But you can find tools and steps to help you become a stronger person and fight habits that need to be changed. Looking to our Higher Power can also help us find the truth, compassion, and forgiveness necessary for healing.

Here’s a the chance to explore some of these ideas. Look inside the book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be – The Choice-Cube Method. Click here to download its first chapter for FREE and get an idea of what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you.


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