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Another Kind of “Bad Boy”

September 5, 2011

Many women identified with an earlier blog post, Why Did I Pick the Same Kind of “Bad Boy” One More Time. That blog post described the case of a woman who, for reasons she couldn’t understand, always ended up with men who at first seemed to be perfectly charming gentlemen, but later transformed into complete, emotionally unavailable jerks.But there is another perspective on transformation.

Hard to Recognize For many women living in highly urbanized areas, the signs of an unavailable man are far harder and often take longer to discern – guys often seem so polished, responsible, and successful that women are blinded to what lies underneath the surface.

He’s Everything I Want Until the Good-By These “bad boys” come in an amazing array of shapes and forms, and there’s no easy way to avoid them. They never become the sort of sloppy freeloaders that are obviously inappropriate and far easier to detect. They are and remain everything a woman wants. . . until the day they say goodbye and walk out the door. No explanations, no excuses. Instead of transforming into a jerk any woman would gladly say, “Good riddance!” to, they simply go from “there” to “not there”.

Now What? What’s a woman to do? Many women make the mistake of torturing themselves with endless questions and doubts: Why did he leave? What did I do wrong? What would have happened if I had done…(fill in the blanks)…differently? And trying to answer any of these questions is as pointless as trying to get him back.

Our “Picker” Was Off If a man leaves a woman high and dry, without anything that remotely resembles a “This will never work because…”, the best thing a woman can do right from the start is stay in touch with her core self—her gut and her heart, as well as her brain. And secondly, set good boundaries!

Time For A Change When we set good boundaries, we effectively avoid the victim-victimizer scenario – in this case, you are not the victim who was so unceremoniously dumped. For reasons the guy was unable to explain, he left. That’s all. You don’t need a man like this. You can go on. When you set good boundaries you are better prepared to make a positive declaration and take positive action towards being your best, healthiest self.

Here’s One Way To Change And how do you become this best version of you? By “doing the work,” of course, and continually crossing the bridge and staying in the light, i.e. by leaving immature avoiding and controlling behaviors and embracing better, more appropriate ways of resolving problems.

Give It A Try Want to find out more about crossing the bridge and staying in the light? In her book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, Dr. Beth Cujé sets forth tools and steps to help you do just that. Here’s your chance to download its first chapter for FREE. Just click here Choicecube.com and get an idea of what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you. You can retrain yourself, change and grow, and engage life more fully.

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One Comment
  1. Georgia permalink

    You bet, Beth! It’s all about setting good boundaries and using the tools! We can go on — in the most unimaginable circumstances…

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